Fiery Finding and Talked Tropes
by Forseti Purge
Summary: What if Jane finds this awesome website, tvtropes? What's he going to say? What will Lisbon reply? What are our heroes' tropes? Review is loved.  UPDATE: chap 2 and 3 are moved to Redhead Rantings and Troublesome Tropes. Apologies for the inconvenience.


Disclaimer: neither the Mentalist nor tvtropes is mine. The story, all of it, is.

Yes, I borrow lines from tvtropes, but it's a free source.

"Lisbon," Jane said. "Come here. I just found a fun website."

Lisbon rose, walked to the couch where Jane was with his laptop. The team was at HQ, on lunch break. Nothing interesting was happening. Van Pelt and Rigsby were at the kitchen, microwaving their lunch; Cho was at his desk, munching his sandwich while reading scary-looking door stopper. Slow day. Even Lisbon got bored. She didn't eat much except the hot dog on her hands.

"What is it?"

"Here. **Tvtropes**."

"What's it about?"

"It's about tricks of the trade for writing fiction."

"What's so fun about it?"

"I'll explain. Come, sit."

Lisbon did.

"You want to buy Annie what book? Woman with vampires?"

"Twilight. Popular with girls nowadays. Figure it's good Christmas gift."

"Don't. That book makes her dumb. Hurts eyes."

"What do you mean?"

"It's full of **Said Bookism**."

"**Said Bookism**?" Lisbon interrogated. "What's that?"

"Well," Jane exposited, "it's means the writer goes out of their way to avoid the word _said_."

"Why would they do this?" ejaculated Lisbon.

"Because," explicated Jane, "it was the fashion at one point. There were even 'said books' you could get mail order with lists of the words that can be used instead of _said _as saying _said _was discredited during that time. That's where the name of the trope comes from," he further proclaimed.

"But **Said Bookism** itself is a **Discredited Trope** these days?" Lisbon queried.

"Absolutely," confirmed Jane, "it's considered redundant," he proceeded, "because dialogue should speak for itself without needing fancy tags to convey its meaning and intention."

"That makes sense," Lisbon concurred.

"In the worst cases, the dialogue tags end up repeating what the dialogue itself is telling us," Jane stated in addition, revealing that in the worst cases the dialogue tags end up repeating what the dialogue itself is telling us.

"Painful to read."

"Extremely."

"Interesting." Lisbon leaned closer. "What else it has?"

At that moment, Rigsby and Van Pelt returned, sat on the group table. "Look at them."

"Rigsby and Van Pelt?"

"The trope for them is **Will They Or Won't They**."

"What?"

"Means they have feelings to each other, but they keep dancing around the point."

"Dancing around 'the point' which is their feelings. Not a good way to put it."

"Yeah, but it's perfect for TV drama, you see." Jane looked around, found a lampshade on the nightstand beside his couch. One day he'd hang it here. A Lampshade Hanging. "Anyway, since their feeling hasn't been resolved despite three-and-a-half years passed, I think it qualifies as a side **Myth-Arc**."

"**Myth-Arc**. I know that."

"You do?"

"Well, once upon a time, I watch X-Files. The episodes about alien thingy"—Jane recalled** Buffy Speak**—"are referred as mythology episodes. It's kind of story arc that lasts the entire series." Suddenly, Lisbon smiled. "Were we in a TV drama"—Lisbon was** Leaning On The Fourth Wall** now—"your quest of revenge on Red John is gonna be the **Myth-Arc**."

"Never think about it, but yeah, you're right. Red John is the** Big Bad** of the story. He's the one who's causing all the problems that end up affecting the heroes."

"We are the heroes."

"Well, in** Five-Man Band** configuration, I'm** the Hero**, you're **the Lancer**, Cho's **the Smart Guy**, Rigsby's** the Big Guy**, Van Pelt's** the Chick**."

"You're **the Hero** and I'm **the Lancer**? I'm the boss of this team. You're the consultant. Switch that."

"What about this? I'm a **Hypercompetent Sidekick**. The sidekick works much more efficient and effective than the Hero."

"You have a big ego, Jane."

"That's the truth...well, to be fair, you are **Overshadowed By Awesome**."

"Let me guess. It means I'm competent on my own, but still less awesome than you."

"Very good."

"Lemme borrow your laptop. I'll find a fitting trope for you." Lisbon typed. "Ah, there it is."

"What?"

"You, Jane, is a** JerkAss**."

"A **JerkAss**? I'm more like a** Jerk With A Heart of Gold**."

"You have no heart."

"No, I just practice **Brutal Honesty**. Absolute truth hurts, you know. I'm telling people the truth with my—my –"

"**Sherlock Scan**."

"Yeah, more like it. I pay attention to details and say it like Sherlock Holmes."

"No sh—"

"Careful!" A **Curse-Cut Short**, Jane thought. "You cannot say that word here."

"Why?"

"Don't know. I don't feel that's appropriate. Our conversation needs not exceed PG-13."

"Know what, sometimes I feel that too. I mean, I can say "bitch" and "damn" and "hell" and "crap" and "piss" but I cannot say "hole" after a—"

"I get it, Lisbon."

"Okay. Where are we? Oh, yeah, you and your Sherlock Scan. Let's find another trope." Click. Click. "There. You're **Distressed Dude**. A man who needs to be rescued all the time."

"Guess you're right. By the way, Lisbon, I have a plan. When we retire, let's sell our story to CBS. Make a drama about us."

Lisbon held her breath, then chuckled. "Who do you propose to play us?"

"You, Robin Tunney. She's short—"

"Short?"

"But smart and tough. Like you are." He looked at his colleagues. "Rigsby, he'll be played by Owain Yeoman. Both of them are big gentlemen. Van Pelt, Amanda Righetti is perfect match. Red hairs and tempers and cute. As for Cho, Tim Kang suits him. I think Kang has this aura of stoicism and snarkiness of a tough Asian, don't you think?"

"And who'll play you, Mr. Jane?"

"Simon Baker. A charming playful guy like me."

"A charming playful guy like you. That's fancy."

"Oh, no, that's not the best part." Jane smiled. "Our TV show, I'll title it **The Mentalist**. Isn't that what happens in real-life, readers?"


End file.
